Twas a few days before leap year, when all through my place
Not a costume was done to cover my face.
The laundry was piled high by the washer inside,
In hopes the stains would be gone with some bleach and some Tide.
The children were at the ex’s as the custody arrangement said,
While this bachelor woke once again alone in his bed.
And mamma in her new place, just outside the county border
Thankfully she decided not to get the restraining order.
When out on the stairway there was a tap on the door,
I sprang from my bed to see what it was for.
A brief stop at the toilet though, to take a short ****,
‘Cause I’m sure the person outside won’t want to hear this.
To the peephole on the door, I finally do go
But it showed no person there, just an object below.
When, what did my curious eyes ultimately see,
But a big brown box that was addressed to me!
With a pull of my hand, I tear off the tape and leave a mess,
I knew this must’ve come from someone at the RPF.
More rapid than cheetahs I open the caper,
But find the box piled high with crumpled up paper
"Newspaper! newspaper! More mess for my kitchen!
Oh, Come on! Another sealed bag! You gotta’ be kidding!”
To the top it all off, it’s sealed with duct tape!
Will the hidden treasure inside NEVER escape?!
At first I try gently to pull the tape where it start,
But after a short while I say “@%$# IT!” and tear it apart.
Then up to the rooftop I let out a yell,
“Well I’ll be damned, it’s a Master Chief shell!”
It’s gray and unpainted, but that’s okay by me
‘Cause weathering is just one of my fortes you see.
As I held it to my head, to see if it would fit,
I realize it also needs to be modified a little bit.
A dremel and some bondo is all that I’ll need,
And of course some tips from these forums that I’ll just have to read.
A bundle of joy came wrapped in the box,
‘Cause for a long time there, I thought I’d just get coal or some rocks.
A special thanks to OB for all of his work,
And for taking up the slack to cover some other jerk.
I’m happier than many of you can ever know
Ironically now I’m hoping NEXT YEAR’S gift will also be slow
To my (new) Secret Santa you’re simply the best
And now you can add an “R” to the list, like you did all the rest.
And thank you as well to the others who helped set things right,
"Merry Belated Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"
